Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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