Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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