Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
