Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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