Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
