I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
