Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
