yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
