Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
