i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
