There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Randomize
