Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
