so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
