By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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