pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
