Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
