Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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