something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
