im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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