Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
tell me about the eggs
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