remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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