he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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