Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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