I wannas sexs uuuuu
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
