apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
