I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
