The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize