dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
