Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
