clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
