I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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