I just made out with a guy for $7.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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