Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
