i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
