Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
