About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
