the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
