I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
