I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
where are you?
Hypothermia
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
