just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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