Where did you get a picture of my penis
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
