you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
