I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
