So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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