Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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