it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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