Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
