I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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