you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
