p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
