I love black thongs
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
And then he peed in my hair
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