I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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